2002-07-06 - 10:14 a.m.
So I went to Vegas with Grandma and Stepmom to visit Special K. While waiting in line to catch a taxi from the airport, Stepmom casually noted that she has never been to a titty bar. Grandma and I both told her that though we had each already been, we would be happy to go with her if she wanted to go. We dropped the conversation as the taxi pulled up, but Grandma decided to have a little fun.
Grandma: Stepmom, why don't you ask the cab driver where we can see the kind of show you're looking for?"
Me: Yeah, Stepmom, why don't you ask him?
Grandma: We want to go to a strip club
Taxista: You want to see men?
Stepmom: We're not gay, but we want to see a nudie bar.
Taxista: What?
Grandma: She said "We want to see the boobies"
Stepmom: With lap dances and pole dances
Taxista (Handing Stepmom 3 free passes to a strip club) Here's a good place for you.
Step: Do they have pole dances?
Tax: Yes.
Step: Lap dances?
Tax: Yes
Step: Lola, do you think Special K would want to go with us?
Me: Oh yeah totally
Step (to taxista): We're going to need another pass
So we get another pass, go to the hotel, eat dinner, see Special K's show, and then meet her after the show. So I tell K that Stepmom wants to go to a strip club, and of course K thinks we're kidding, even as we all go up to the hotel room and take pictures and get ready to leave, and even as we're walking to the car she still thinks we're bluffing. So we get to the Spearmint Rhino, and go up to the front door with our free passes, and get stopped at the door.
Bouncer: Sorry ladies, no admittance without a male escort
Stepmom (grabbing the arm of some random guy next to us): We have one. Him
Random Guy: Um, I'm not going in. I just lost my wallet here last night.
Me: I certainly hope you're not trying to discriminate against us
Special K: It's Grandma's birthday, and she's always wanted to go to a place like this.
Grandma: Oh, yeah (though it's NOT Grandma's birthday. She's a good sport, though)
Stepmom: Please?
Bouncer: Hang on (Goes inside to talk to someone, re-emerges, doesn't look at us or speak to us)
Random Men come in and out of the club while the four of us hover near the entrance. Grandma says she's starting to feel kind of stupid standing around waiting to get in to a nudie bar. A "manager" comes out, talks to the bouncer, who points to us. Special K and I are standing in front, and I casually step aside so I can see the eyebrow dance when he sees Grandma. He rushes back inside without talking to us. More people come in and out, and I am starting to get annoyed. Then the club owner comes out, a greasy disgusting sexagenarian Bart Simpson Meets Larry from Three's Company lookin' fella. He has a wet cigar stump in his right hand, but I immediately stick my hand out to shake it anyway.
Ownwer: Uh, sorry (shifts cigar to other hand) Uh, I'm (whatever his name is, I've forgotten already)
Me: I'm very pleased to meet you. I'm Lola, and my party would like to patronize your establishment, if that's all right with you.
Meanwhile, he is checking us all out. He drops my hand, says nothing to us, goes back to the manager and whispers to him and goes back in. The manager motions toward us, to come in, but stops us again right before we get in.
Manger: Ladies, you are welcome to come in, but we'd like to ask that you not speak to any male customers, approach them, or have any other contact with them.
Stepmom: What?
Me (laughing hysterically): HE THINKS WE'RE HOOKERS.
Manager: Sorry, we have to be careful
So we all go in to the club, and I must say it was nice as titty bars go, but very crowded, and there was no place to sit. We all made a point not to even look at any men, but they wouldn't have taken much notice of the four of us, since we had our clothes on and a senior citizen with us.
The "dancers" were no better or worse than the strippers back home, but the patrons were enthralled. An older couple were sitting close to the stage. The man had his arm firmly around his wife's shoulders as she looked down into her lap, her head against her forehead, disgusted. I wanted to kick that man in the head. If your wife wants to go to a titty bar, go for it. If she doesn't, then stay the hell home, you sick fuck.
Stepmom was disappointed. She was expecting more dancing and less butt-cheek spreading. Grandma was underwhelmed. "You can see more when they go to strip clubs on Nash Bridges." Rock on, Grandma.
